A number of years ago, my sister had a particularly traumatic event while I was away at college. She had been engaged to be married and had spent a considerable amount of her earnings to purchase furniture and other things for her new home only to discover that her fiance was being unfaithful. She was disconsolate; coming home from work every day, shutting herself in her room and playing Carole King over and over again. This happened toward the end of my spring semester, lasted through the summer and was still going on when I left for school again in the fall. At the time, I didn't have the tools available to me that I have now to help her sort the whole thing out and help her get back on her feet so, in the event that others may benefit, here's what I might have said to her.
In painful situations such as this one, we come face to face with experiences that we are certain we do not want; and, consequently, seek to avoid having again. However, the power of prevention is only possible if we are not victims; that is, unless we are willing to search out what we contributed to bringing about any particular state of affairs, then we are powerless to change that state of affairs or to prevent it from happening again since we can only change that over which we have some control. It might have been the wisdom of the universe to see that I didn't have these tools then because, now that I think of it, my sister would not have taken very kindly to my saying that she contributed to his unfaithfulness. Of course, this is not what I'm saying at all; what I'm saying is that we create our own experiences and if we are not doing it consciously, then we are likely to get a lot of what we do not want because we do create all the time. The fact that we do end up with a lot of experiences that are, shall I say, unfortunate is ample proof that we have not arrived at mastery over that creative process; and how to achieve that mastery is what I hope to present here.
STAGE ONE--The Mind
Let me begin with the fact that, apart from how we consider nature, there is nothing in our experience that was not first a thought; thought and feeling combine to bring things into manifestation. Obviously, then, if we wish to control what we bring into our experience we must establish control over both our thoughts and our feelings. Again, I'm not sure that at my sister's age she would have had the self-discipline and maturity to be able to exercise the control needed...but...that's water over the wheel and we'll never know. At any rate, the first step in rebuilding your life is to realize that you built the life you've got now. So...are you overweight...do you smoke...do you drink...are you a loner...do you hate your job...whatever the rubble you see as your life, you can rebuild it and regain control of it. In short, you can make your dreams come true; and here's how.
It's one thing to think up something you want; it's another thing entirely to claim it. Without going into too much philosophical detail, the only way to really claim something is to be it; and the only way to do that is to affirm "I Am...(whatever it is you want)." This brings me to my first corollary: think only the thoughts that bring you what you want...visualize it and imagine yourself already enjoying it. The temptation to dwell on past hurts is great but that only serves to bring you more of the same. One question that I might have been able to ask of my sister without her getting too upset is: "what have you learned about your ability to choose love?" I think she would have been willing to consider that question in spite of the fact that every disappointment is really an indictment of our ability to choose, thus, a commentary on whether we can "get it right," or not. Keep in mind, however, that "getting it right" is not concerned with ideal standards set up by parents, church, or state; rather, "getting it right" means "producing happiness in my experience." No one really likes to discover that they are wrong, especially in such emotionally charged situations as love; however, unless you are willing to admit that your life is in rubble, you never take up the rebuilding in earnest. This is the basis of all 12-step programs--you must come to a point where you see that what you are doing is not producing the results that you want. The point of the question is to take the mind off a consideration of the other and put it squarely on oneself; if we continually blame the other, we are inviting more and more of the same type of experiences into our life because that is what we are thinking about and investing it with feeling. This brings me to my second corollary: the intensity of the feeling with which we think the thoughts we think determines the speed with which we manifest those thoughts. It should come as no surprise that feelings of love create lasting constructive experiences while feelings of hate, or even mild dislike, bring about destructive experiences.
Thoughts and feelings are particular instances of attention; they are ways in which we "pay attention." That to which we give our attention, we give our life; and it is by our own life that those creations come alive and are manifest. So, not only must we watch our thoughts and feelings, we must also be aware of everything to which we give our attention--everything from friends to glances at billboards; from music to books to movies and tv; from strangers on the street to foibles of family members. A corollary to this principle is to notice that "vices" come only as a complete world into your experience; that is, it is not possible to isolate a "vice" as an experience, every action or activity, whether virtue or vice, is a hologram of a world, complete with language, fashion, friends, etc. When you are rebuilding your life, it may seem like you are doing it one brick at a time, but you are really undermining a whole world and replacing it with another, more serviceable world. Don't lose sight of this fact: you ARE your world--the "I AM" of you holds everything in your experience in place and to re-place it you will need the assistance of that part of you from which you are estranged in consciousness, the "I AM" Presence within you. Consider the fact that if, in your dream, you trip on a root and skin your knee, you are the root, the knee, and the blood.
A good starting place in getting a "checkup from the neck up" is with Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich; this is an amazing book and very inspiring. Read from it every day. The movie, The Secret, is also a good beginning spot, but I recommend Hill first. If you want some more reading later, contact me and I'll suggest some more.
STAGE TWO--The Body
I call this stage two, but the fact is, they are not stages at all; indeed, they are concurrent. The cleansing and strengthening of the body is essential in putting your life back together. This is not because the body is a platform upon which everything is built, but because it is a radiating center for a Mighty Energy that needs a clear channel through which to flow.
It has been pretty well established that our body renews itself entirely in less than a year; that is, every cell is replace with a new one. Looking at the increasing aging population you wouldn't think that this was the case but it is. The question, then, is: why do we get sick and fall into dysfunction? The answer is simple and has been known for an extremely long time: you are what you eat, both mentally and physically. Fill your mind with positive, loving thoughts of light and your body with food made from light and you will experience both health and longevity. Let me recommend a smoothy that I use:
Green Smoothie
2 Tablespoons lemon juice
1 piece of ginger root, peeled; about the size of the part of your thumb under the nail.
3 red bell peppers (or 3 yellow, orange or mixed)
1/2 to a whole avocado
3 cups of kale
2 cups of blessed water ("Mighty 'I AM' Presence, bless this water.")
Put all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth--'puree' setting works for me
This will make enough for a day's worth of drinks. As you begin a regimen of re-sensitizing your body to nutrients, you will experience unpleasant symptoms until the body has been detoxified and thrown off the poisons and then you will notice dramatic changes in skin tone, energy, etc. This recipe was taken from There is a Cure for Diabetes by Gabriel Cousens, M.D., a book I discovered when researching diabetes after my sister was diagnosed with adult onset diabetes. Additionally, Doctor Cousens recommends a raw food (not meat) regimen and there are a number of excellent recipe books for that. See, for instance, Jenna Norwood or Ani Phyo on Facebook.
You can greatly accelerate the cleansing of your body with exercise because it forces the body either to burn what is there or eliminate it; this doesn't have to be full-throttled sweat lodge exhaustion either...walk around the mall, swim, or go for a bike ride around the neighborhood. Even small amounts of exercise do wonders for the attitude and self-esteem; and nearly every problem we have has its roots in self-esteem because we don't really know who we are and live as though we are someone we are not.
STAGE THREE--Society
Keep in mind my caveat about these not really being stages and also the insight that both vices and virtues do not appear individually but as worlds. This means that if there is a part of your life with which you are not happy (overweight, always tired, no money, etc.), then your associates and friends are probably contributing to it in an important way. The breakdown in personal judgment that creates the problem with which you are chiefly concerned also infects your ability to choose regarding everything else, and this includes friends--especially friends. In my sister's case, her poor judgment regarding her fiance drove her to choose solitude, when what she needed was social contact. In other cases, the same bad judgment might issue in choosing bad "new best friends." This is because we tend to blame the offender instead of our own bad judgment and we keep creating more of the same for ourselves but with different people. It should come as no surprise that a steady diet of this kind of disappointment will bring about some very low estimates of humanity, eventually driving one to the very behavior disdained in others.
Advanced warning: new friends will not feel comfortable. Take your time; make new friends based on your goals, i.e., if you're in social networks, add some raw food enthusiasts. Look into starting a Mastermind group; this is a group based on the principles of Hill's book and are very powerful in helping you achieve your dreams. Join a networking group like BNI; for professionals, this is an excellent way to socialize with like-minded people.
Invariably, your new choices will rub some of your current friends the "wrong" way and you may "lose" them--but it will only be temporarily. Sooner or later, they will see that they could use a healthy dose of whatever it is you're doing, so don't burn any bridges.
Well...there it is...this is only a sketch but it's enough to get you started. I truly wish I had had this for my sister. Years after her traumatic event she came in contact again with this guy; only this time they married. It was not a happy marriage and it ended badly; she has struggled with weight issues and now diabetes. She hates her job and can't wait until she retires. Your problems aren't "out there," they are within you and unless you change you, you will take the problems with you wherever you go. I'm in your corner, so let's get started!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Questioning the Grounds for Love
Questioning the grounds for love --
Kings are plagued with the dilemma of determining who is really loyal to them and who of their associates seeks to kill them to gain power for themselves. There is a similar dilemma presented to one who, having some extraordinary quality or feature, is led to question the grounds for love by any particular suitor. This is especially true when someone has great wealth ("does she just love me for my money?") but it also happens to individuals who have social standing, a particularly noble pedigree or family lineage, great beauty, or fame. To a certain degree, such conditions seem to give adequate grounds for doubting the presence of love, but do they?
On this model, let's say there are 'n' number of qualities that an individual could have, the "grounds" for doubt would be each of the possible qualities; i.e., that Jack, having 'n' number of qualities, could be loved by Jill for any one or any combination of those qualities. It would then be possible for Jack to say: "Jill doesn't love me, she only loves these qualities and so her love is suspect." Of course, a corollary to this is for Jack to say "what Jill feels for me isn't really love because she only cares for these certain qualities." The assumption here is that there is a residual "Jack" that is left over after we subtract all the qualities and that, since Jill only loves the qualities, she, therefore, doesn't love the residual Jack. But Jack has another problem, not only does he think there is a residual "Jack" left over after the qualities are subtracted, he also thinks that love offered him by Jill is not real love because it is triggered and prompted by the qualities and not by the residual 'Jack.'
Jack's view that there is a "residual" self that lies apart from all the qualities that exhaustively describe Jack is based on the mistaken belief that a "self" can be "inwardly" present with no "outward" clue or effect as to its presence. That is, that it is possible to have a difference inwardly with no difference outwardly. If this were true, then Jack could never be loved because no one would ever be able to detect the "real" Jack. But what we have here is not so much a problem in logic as it is a problem in psychotherapy.
Typically, individuals who are not so distinguished by wealth or fame, etc., do not raise questions when they discover that someone loves them, unless, of course, they are in poverty and someone wealthy "takes a shinin'" to them. That is because to raise the question of the validity of someone's love for you is not really a question of the love but, rather, of your own self-worth. That is, it seems to people raising such questions that the feelings of doubt are about the love offered when the doubt is really a self-doubt; when we raise such questions it is because we do not know who we are. Quite often this happens after many years of marriage and the individuals have changed and grown apart to only wake up one day and discover that the other doesn't really know them at all. Indeed, they have only just begun to know who they are themselves. But hope is not lost; couples counseling is quite effective in helping individuals regain the balance in their relationship provided, that is, that there ever was a balance and not just a detente.
On the other hand, there is a bond of love that transcends the qualities of the individuals involved; that is, the satisfaction of that bond consists in merely finding the other and making the discovery explicit to oneself. Of this bond it is truly said: "What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." I have often quipped that marriage, as we know it, could not possibly be ordained by God because if God put two people together they couldn't get asunder; the very fact that divorce is even possible is proof positive that the bond is not the one God ordained. And, as with all things Holy, the guidance and direction for these relationships must begin in the Heart and with God.
Jack's other problem, of not thinking that Jill's love is real, is also a problem of self-worth. Not only is there a lack of confidence in Jack that he is worthy of Jill's love; there is also a decided lack of experience in giving that kind of love. Here I am reminded of Mary Magdelene's song "I Don't Know How to Love Him," from Jesus Christ, Superstar (see link below). In that song, she intimates that she has met a man who inspires love in her but not a love that she immediately recognizes and she, herself, has changed...she continues by saying that "He scares me so. I want him so. I love him so."
But it's no wonder that Jack is confused; we use the term "love" so cavalierly that it barely has any meaning anymore; couple that with the eternal Truth that Love is the hub of all that is and we scarcely know where to begin. But, again, hope is not lost. Once Jack "finds" himself and discovers his "ultimate concerns," then he will attract the Jill for him; and, again, that is a journey that begins in the Heart and with God, the Light of Life.
The attracting is going on all the time; what we currently have, we attracted; and we did it by means of our thoughts and feelings. Jack's "confusion" about love is symptomatic of the changes he is going through in personal growth; when I said he will attract the Jill for him, I meant it quite literally. Once you become clear about what your root values are, then someone with those very values will come into your life...it is the law of our being, which is Love. I have always maintained that marriage is for adults and part of what I mean when I say that is that we cannot possibly attract "the love of our Life" if we have not grown to full-stature in who we know ourselves to be. Childhood sweethearts are not an exception to this because they contribute to that growth in the other and are daily apprised of the progress and make corresponding adjustments in themselves. The situation is quite different for individuals who make their growth in widely different environs and social milieux; in their case, they come together as climbers on different faces of a mountain approach one another the closer they get to the top. Metaphorically, the "top" is the "ultimate concern" that each has identified; as each makes progress to that common concern, they come together as individuals to discover their eternal bond.
As a final comment, let me say that, in the end, Love needs no grounds; it is self-grounding and that upon which we build everything else. The problem that needs solving is how we can contact Love within the Heart of our own consciousness. To seek for something that somehow "justifies" one person's love for another, is, to quote one of my favorites, like "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." We must, instead, see it as the same author put it in his 116th Sonnet:
"I Don't Know How to Love Him"
Kings are plagued with the dilemma of determining who is really loyal to them and who of their associates seeks to kill them to gain power for themselves. There is a similar dilemma presented to one who, having some extraordinary quality or feature, is led to question the grounds for love by any particular suitor. This is especially true when someone has great wealth ("does she just love me for my money?") but it also happens to individuals who have social standing, a particularly noble pedigree or family lineage, great beauty, or fame. To a certain degree, such conditions seem to give adequate grounds for doubting the presence of love, but do they?
On this model, let's say there are 'n' number of qualities that an individual could have, the "grounds" for doubt would be each of the possible qualities; i.e., that Jack, having 'n' number of qualities, could be loved by Jill for any one or any combination of those qualities. It would then be possible for Jack to say: "Jill doesn't love me, she only loves these qualities and so her love is suspect." Of course, a corollary to this is for Jack to say "what Jill feels for me isn't really love because she only cares for these certain qualities." The assumption here is that there is a residual "Jack" that is left over after we subtract all the qualities and that, since Jill only loves the qualities, she, therefore, doesn't love the residual Jack. But Jack has another problem, not only does he think there is a residual "Jack" left over after the qualities are subtracted, he also thinks that love offered him by Jill is not real love because it is triggered and prompted by the qualities and not by the residual 'Jack.'
Jack's view that there is a "residual" self that lies apart from all the qualities that exhaustively describe Jack is based on the mistaken belief that a "self" can be "inwardly" present with no "outward" clue or effect as to its presence. That is, that it is possible to have a difference inwardly with no difference outwardly. If this were true, then Jack could never be loved because no one would ever be able to detect the "real" Jack. But what we have here is not so much a problem in logic as it is a problem in psychotherapy.
Typically, individuals who are not so distinguished by wealth or fame, etc., do not raise questions when they discover that someone loves them, unless, of course, they are in poverty and someone wealthy "takes a shinin'" to them. That is because to raise the question of the validity of someone's love for you is not really a question of the love but, rather, of your own self-worth. That is, it seems to people raising such questions that the feelings of doubt are about the love offered when the doubt is really a self-doubt; when we raise such questions it is because we do not know who we are. Quite often this happens after many years of marriage and the individuals have changed and grown apart to only wake up one day and discover that the other doesn't really know them at all. Indeed, they have only just begun to know who they are themselves. But hope is not lost; couples counseling is quite effective in helping individuals regain the balance in their relationship provided, that is, that there ever was a balance and not just a detente.
On the other hand, there is a bond of love that transcends the qualities of the individuals involved; that is, the satisfaction of that bond consists in merely finding the other and making the discovery explicit to oneself. Of this bond it is truly said: "What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." I have often quipped that marriage, as we know it, could not possibly be ordained by God because if God put two people together they couldn't get asunder; the very fact that divorce is even possible is proof positive that the bond is not the one God ordained. And, as with all things Holy, the guidance and direction for these relationships must begin in the Heart and with God.
Jack's other problem, of not thinking that Jill's love is real, is also a problem of self-worth. Not only is there a lack of confidence in Jack that he is worthy of Jill's love; there is also a decided lack of experience in giving that kind of love. Here I am reminded of Mary Magdelene's song "I Don't Know How to Love Him," from Jesus Christ, Superstar (see link below). In that song, she intimates that she has met a man who inspires love in her but not a love that she immediately recognizes and she, herself, has changed...she continues by saying that "He scares me so. I want him so. I love him so."
But it's no wonder that Jack is confused; we use the term "love" so cavalierly that it barely has any meaning anymore; couple that with the eternal Truth that Love is the hub of all that is and we scarcely know where to begin. But, again, hope is not lost. Once Jack "finds" himself and discovers his "ultimate concerns," then he will attract the Jill for him; and, again, that is a journey that begins in the Heart and with God, the Light of Life.
The attracting is going on all the time; what we currently have, we attracted; and we did it by means of our thoughts and feelings. Jack's "confusion" about love is symptomatic of the changes he is going through in personal growth; when I said he will attract the Jill for him, I meant it quite literally. Once you become clear about what your root values are, then someone with those very values will come into your life...it is the law of our being, which is Love. I have always maintained that marriage is for adults and part of what I mean when I say that is that we cannot possibly attract "the love of our Life" if we have not grown to full-stature in who we know ourselves to be. Childhood sweethearts are not an exception to this because they contribute to that growth in the other and are daily apprised of the progress and make corresponding adjustments in themselves. The situation is quite different for individuals who make their growth in widely different environs and social milieux; in their case, they come together as climbers on different faces of a mountain approach one another the closer they get to the top. Metaphorically, the "top" is the "ultimate concern" that each has identified; as each makes progress to that common concern, they come together as individuals to discover their eternal bond.
As a final comment, let me say that, in the end, Love needs no grounds; it is self-grounding and that upon which we build everything else. The problem that needs solving is how we can contact Love within the Heart of our own consciousness. To seek for something that somehow "justifies" one person's love for another, is, to quote one of my favorites, like "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." We must, instead, see it as the same author put it in his 116th Sonnet:
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
"I Don't Know How to Love Him"
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Reflections on Valentine's Day
Janis Ian gave us a dramatic insight into the darker side of Valentine's Day in her song, "At Seventeen,"* when she noted that:
This example of Ian's also serves to illustrate the linguistic processes of pejoration and amelioration; these are the processes in which the meaning of a word becomes bad or better, respectively, over time. The word "bitch," for instance, illustrates the former while "buggar," the latter. "Bitch" is now a "politically incorrect" word because of its "bad" meaning but its original meaning (and still a vestigial one) is its designation of a female dog. "Buggar" is a term that indicates sodomy but has come to mean something along the lines of "fellow" now.
Ian's song illustrates the pejoration of the notion of Valentine's day but the actual history of Valentine's day, however, is traced back to 270 A.D.
In 270 A.D., marriage had been outlawed by the emperor of Rome, Claudius II. Claudius issued this decree because he thought that married men made bad soldiers since they were reluctant to be torn away from their families in the case of war. Claudius had also outlawed Christianity in this time period because he wished to be praised as the one supreme god, the Emperor of Rome. Valentine was the bishop of Interamna during this period of oppression. Valentine thought that the decrees of Rome were wrong. He believed that people should be free to love God and to marry. Valentine invited the young couples of the area to come to him. When they came, Valentine secretly performed services of matrimony and united the couples.
Valentine was eventually caught and was brought before the emperor. The emperor saw that Valentine had conviction and drive that was unsurpassed among his men. Claudius tried and tried to persuade Valentine to leave Christianity, serve the Roman empire and the Roman gods. In exchange, Claudius would pardon him and make him one of his allies. St. Valentine held to his faith and did not renounce Christ. Because of this, the emperor sentenced him to a three-part execution. First, Valentine would be beaten, then stoned, and then finally, decapitated. Valentine died on February 14th, 270 A.D.
While in prison, waiting for his sentence to be carried out, Valentine fell in love with the jailer's daughter, the blind Asterius. During the course of Valentine's prison stay, a miracle occurred and Asterius regained her sight. Valentine sent her a final farewell note. He signed his last note, "From Your Valentine." Even today, this message remains as the motto for our Valentine's Day celebrations.**
But...this story aside and laying aside, also, all consideration of the commercialized notion of romantic love...don't we have an appreciation for the soft light that shines from another in kindness, in gentleness, and in consideration? I agree; too much has been made of romantic love, because the Pure Love of God goes not below the heart; but, still, let us give due recognition to that soft light because it helps us to find and heal the wounded part of our self about which Ian sang.
A friend was visiting from the east and we were sharing a few moments in reflective conversation when we noticed some girls passing by...all chatty and decked out. He said that he knew all about "that" type of girl "in push-up bras trying to get the attention from men that she didn't get from her daddy..." I knew exactly what he meant and there's a similar statement for young men of that age, too, but it dawned on me that that's the very soil in which these crazy notions of "romantic" love ever get started--fathers are not affectionate or instructive with their children. Consequently, neither the young men nor the young ladies ever come away with anything like self-esteem; they mistake "belonging" to a group, or cadre, for personal authenticity; mistaking, also, the rebellion of style for true courage of convictions. They languish in the loss of personal identity and seek refuge in the empty affirmation offered the body by pleasure.
So...adult up...look approvingly on the young ladies and men that you meet; shine that "soft light" because it's acceptable to everyone...and...Happy Valentine's Day!!
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CziYn0n6zkI
**http://www.lhmint.org/valentines/story.htm
I learned the truth at seventeenThe song continues to eviscerate the maudlin, somewhat hypocritical, notions of romantic love and the effects that that socialized image has upon one who has no access to the social type from which that image is cast.
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Was spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth.
This example of Ian's also serves to illustrate the linguistic processes of pejoration and amelioration; these are the processes in which the meaning of a word becomes bad or better, respectively, over time. The word "bitch," for instance, illustrates the former while "buggar," the latter. "Bitch" is now a "politically incorrect" word because of its "bad" meaning but its original meaning (and still a vestigial one) is its designation of a female dog. "Buggar" is a term that indicates sodomy but has come to mean something along the lines of "fellow" now.
Ian's song illustrates the pejoration of the notion of Valentine's day but the actual history of Valentine's day, however, is traced back to 270 A.D.
In 270 A.D., marriage had been outlawed by the emperor of Rome, Claudius II. Claudius issued this decree because he thought that married men made bad soldiers since they were reluctant to be torn away from their families in the case of war. Claudius had also outlawed Christianity in this time period because he wished to be praised as the one supreme god, the Emperor of Rome. Valentine was the bishop of Interamna during this period of oppression. Valentine thought that the decrees of Rome were wrong. He believed that people should be free to love God and to marry. Valentine invited the young couples of the area to come to him. When they came, Valentine secretly performed services of matrimony and united the couples.
Valentine was eventually caught and was brought before the emperor. The emperor saw that Valentine had conviction and drive that was unsurpassed among his men. Claudius tried and tried to persuade Valentine to leave Christianity, serve the Roman empire and the Roman gods. In exchange, Claudius would pardon him and make him one of his allies. St. Valentine held to his faith and did not renounce Christ. Because of this, the emperor sentenced him to a three-part execution. First, Valentine would be beaten, then stoned, and then finally, decapitated. Valentine died on February 14th, 270 A.D.
While in prison, waiting for his sentence to be carried out, Valentine fell in love with the jailer's daughter, the blind Asterius. During the course of Valentine's prison stay, a miracle occurred and Asterius regained her sight. Valentine sent her a final farewell note. He signed his last note, "From Your Valentine." Even today, this message remains as the motto for our Valentine's Day celebrations.**
But...this story aside and laying aside, also, all consideration of the commercialized notion of romantic love...don't we have an appreciation for the soft light that shines from another in kindness, in gentleness, and in consideration? I agree; too much has been made of romantic love, because the Pure Love of God goes not below the heart; but, still, let us give due recognition to that soft light because it helps us to find and heal the wounded part of our self about which Ian sang.
A friend was visiting from the east and we were sharing a few moments in reflective conversation when we noticed some girls passing by...all chatty and decked out. He said that he knew all about "that" type of girl "in push-up bras trying to get the attention from men that she didn't get from her daddy..." I knew exactly what he meant and there's a similar statement for young men of that age, too, but it dawned on me that that's the very soil in which these crazy notions of "romantic" love ever get started--fathers are not affectionate or instructive with their children. Consequently, neither the young men nor the young ladies ever come away with anything like self-esteem; they mistake "belonging" to a group, or cadre, for personal authenticity; mistaking, also, the rebellion of style for true courage of convictions. They languish in the loss of personal identity and seek refuge in the empty affirmation offered the body by pleasure.
So...adult up...look approvingly on the young ladies and men that you meet; shine that "soft light" because it's acceptable to everyone...and...Happy Valentine's Day!!
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CziYn0n6zkI
**http://www.lhmint.org/valentines/story.htm
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